October 10, 2003. 9:25 a.m.:
Still no sign of the beginning plans of a surprise party.
Something else to remember when on the lookout for a surprise party: Shelly is a horrible liar.
Be on the lookout for signs of Shelly lying which may include the following: Shifty eyes, fidgeting, refusal to make eye contract, appearing flustered; fainting, playing with her chips, rearranging her cards… whoops, those are her poker tells, not her surprise party tells.
October 25, 2003. 10:03 a.m. :
Miraculously, there is still no sign of a surprise party.
Must reexamine dedication of McGrail and Galusha towards my 30th birthday. Either 1) I am paranoid and no such party will (thankfully) be planned; 2) McGrail and Galusha are more devious that previously suspected; or 3) Plans have not yet begun.
Must assume Option 3 and continue with observations.
October 24, 2003. 11:34 a.m.:
Invited to Halloween party at Toph’s on November 8, 2003.
Suspicion level of Halloween party on the 8th: High.
Likelihood that friends would formulate a plan for a surprise party around a fake, post-Halloween, Halloween party, in the hopes that Adam would come dressed to the nines, and every one else would be in street clothes: High.
Proceed with caution.
Keep post-Halloween Halloween party on radar, continue, however to be on the lookout for more likely prospects. Halloween party could be a diversion.
October 25, 2003. 9:32 a.m.:
Carefully reexamined Halloween party Evite.
The Evite was sent to several people I do not know, who are responding whether they will or will not attend.
I do not think that Evite is fake.
Keep Halloween party on radar, but continue to be on the lookout for other possibilities.
October 26, 2003. 1:11 p.m.:
Andrew P. Waxman (“the ‘dy’ of Pamdy”) has been unusually persistent in arranging a poker night the last several weeks. Perhaps Waxman wanted to play poker, but his latest attempts to come up with an appropriate night, however, have been all over the place. Possibility high that a plan is forming to arrange a fake poker night at which to spring the surprise.
Analyze this option more carefully.
Be on the lookout for clues.
October 27, 2003. 9:21 p.m.:
Judas McGrail has planted his first kiss on the cheek of the surprise party Jesus. I knew I could have faith in the fallibility of Sean Patrick.
Visited the McGrail residence this evening. McGrail and I signed on to Evite to create our yearly birthday party Evite. McGrail’s Evite account popped up on the screen. Only event listed was “Surprise Party for Adam.” Bingo. McGrail’s record at ruining surprise parties hits an all time high: 20 for 20.
Things to remember from conversations with McGrail:
1. He said was the one planning the surprise party (at least he ruined his own plans, and not someone else’s);
2. Sean said there was no actual plan formulated yet. Interesting. Waxman really was just desperate to play poker; and
3. Sean will attempt to misdirect, trick and fool to still pull off some sort of party. Continue to be on the lookout.
October 28, 2003. 7:34 p.m.:
Strange conversation with Galusha this evening. Was about to tell her story about Judas McGrail’s downfall, when it appeared she was already aware, on some level, of the details of the story I was going to tell. I refused to tell her more until she told me what she knew. Galusha refused to talk. McGrail must have contacted Galusha. McGrail must be formulating new plan. New plan will involve complex deception. Keep on the lookout for details.
October 29, 2003. 3:43 p.m.:
Waxman’s attempts at poker have increased several-fold. His desperation to play poker is palatable. Galusha, although always interested in a game of poker, seems particularly interested in the Waxman poker night scheduled for Saturday November 8, 2003. Interesting, said poker night is scheduled the same night as the post-Halloween Halloween party. The post-Halloween Halloween party has officially fallen off the radar as a suspect for a surprise party. Focus on poker night plans.
October 30, 2003. 7:32 p.m.:
Received phone call from Toph regarding post-Halloween Halloween party today. Toph very interested in whether I was planning on attending party.
Did not provide Toph with definitive answer. Told him maybe.
Plan 1: Keep everyone on edge. Make them squirm. Don’t commit to anything.
Plan 2: Obtain air horn. Keep air horn on person at all times. When group of people yell surprise at you, blast air horn in their faces. Watch expressions with glee.
October 31, 2003. 11:34 p.m.:
No further hints regarding any parties, surprise or not. Keep eyes and ears open.
November 1, 2003. 9:16 p.m.:
Interesting discussion with Galusha about whether we would be attending Toph’s Halloween party or the Poker Night on November 8th. Galusha emoting strong preference towards Poker Night at Waxman’s. Although its not entirely suspicious that Galusha would want to play poker, curious as to how she can resist the urge to try out new “Jay and Silent Bob” costumes.
Consider possibilities more. Mess with Galusha’s mind until she breaks.
November 2, 2003. 8:13 p.m.:
Told Galusha that I finally decided that I definitely wanted to go to the Halloween party just to judge her reaction. Reaction strong. Galusha expressed strong desire to go to Poker Night. Galusha said “You’re doing this on purpose.” Analyze cryptic comment further.
Always be aware, however, that someone may be employing the patented Kobel Double Cross, as was pulled off last year. (i.e. McGrail though his surprise party was going to be at the scheduled joint birthday party. The double cross ensured the party was held the night before. McGrail surprised out of his pants (more on that in private journal)). Growing more suspicious about Poker Night as the sight of McGrail and Galusha’s double cross.
Point to Think About: Galusha is giving huge hints that poker night is a ruse for surprise party. Why is she being so obvious?
November 3, 2003. 2:29 p.m.:
Received a somewhat peculiar call from W. Andrew Brightwell, Esq. this afternoon at work. He called for no reason at all to tell me he had plans Saturday night.
Actually, in response to several emails exchanged about a surprise cake for Darren Rubin on Thursday night, Brightwell called my cell phone. Brightwell talked only briefly about the emails before stating that he and Elle had “dinner people” on Saturday night. I hadn’t asked him about Saturday night, so I don’t know why he was sharing such information, unless he was partaking in the patented “Kobel Other Plans Maneuver.” Such maneuver consists of key surprise party guests stating that they have other plans on the evening of the intended surprise party. What do I care what Brightwell is doing Saturday night? Decided to mess with Brightwell in an attempt to garner more information. Asked him what he meant by “dinner people.” Brightwell seemed to stall before saying that he didn’t have any details because they were friends of Elle Steiner’s. (He didn’t actually use Steiner’s last name, I just use it here for reference).Is it possible McGrail had Brightwell call me just so he could say he and Steiner had other plans? That cannot be. It was Brightwell who I had mention to McGrail he had other plans for HIS surprise party. And quite frankly, I think Brightwell used the same excuse! (i.e. friends of Steiner’s were coming into town).
Something is rotten in Denmark. Either McGrail and Galusha are a lot smarter in planning a surprise party than I first envisioned he would be … or they are bumbling fools. I’m going to assume the former, but prepare for the latter.
Possibility of Fake Surprise Party at Poker Night (which will be ruse for some later, bigger surprise party): High
November 3, 2003. 8:22 p.m.:
In response to an email I sent to Waxman concerning poker night this date, Waxman writes in reply that “poker night was definitely on” and if I “bailed” he would “kill me.” Strong reaction to poker night from Waxman. I am now 99% sure that poker night at Waxman’s is a guise for some sort of surprise party.
I am also convinced, however, that poker night at Waxman’s being a guise for a surprise party is also a diversion.
It is hard being convinced of two mutually exclusive things at one time. Or ARE they mutually exclusive… ?
November 4, 2003. 7:51 p.m.:
Waxman continued today with his emails concerning poker. I have a new concern with regards to Waxman’s emails. They are sent to some email addresses I don’t even know. Are these emails a ruse to make me believe there is really a poker night occurring? Are these emails followed up with emails saying to ignore the previous emails? Or, in the alternative, is there really a poker night occurring? Or is it both?
Waxman’s email today said poker was definitely on. Waxman’s email also mentioned that it would be “semi-serious poker.” No food on table. This comment was made in direct reference to a smart-ass comment I made about how poker nights in Boston usually involve sixteen pizzas and forty-two beers taking residence on the poker table. Pizza-poker, as I like to refer to it, makes me insane. Waxman seems to be catering to my poker desires. Is this a clue as to the real purpose of the poker night?
Keep alert. The witching hour is nigh.
November 4, 2003. 7:01 p.m.:
Have been messing with Galusha’s head all week. I have repeatedly told her that I do not want to attend poker night, even though, secretly, I do. I say these things, however, just to hear Galusha’s frustration when she tried to nonchalantly convince me we should go to poker night instead. She keeps repeating that I’m doing that on purpose, and that she’s not stupid. Interesting response.
My favorite is when I say to her “Nah, you can go to poker night without me.” That usually makes her yell.
Clearly there is something going on Friday night at poker.
Stay alert.
November 5, 2003. 10:00 a.m.:
No new information this date. It has pretty much been established that Galusha and I will be attending “poker night” at Waxman’s on the 8th of November. I continue, however, to tell Galusha that I would rather go to the Halloween party. It is fun to see her ears turn red.
November 5, 2003. 2:13 p.m.:
Called Toph today to inform him that I would not be able to attend his post-Halloween Halloween party because Galusha was insisting that we attend poker night at Waxman’s. I was not able to reach Toph, as he did not answer his phone. I will have to tread carefully in conversations with Toph, don’t want him to tip off Galusha and/or McGrail about any knowledge I have.
Possibility that Alley would make a good double agent: High.
November 5, 2003. 1:48 p.m.:
Just realized that when I informed Galusha last night that I would be babysitting for my sister while she was on an Anniversary vacation, Galusha replied “Your sister isn’t going to be around for your birthday?!” Although Galusha misunderstood the date that I was babysitting (i.e. November 19th, several days after my birthday), her expression of shock that my sister would not be around on my birthday, in retrospect, was puzzling.
Random Thought: What if poker night surprise party is ruse? What if Galusha and McGrail are making it seem as though that will be the surprise party just to throw me off the trail? In actuality, the vague plans that are being made with my sister and my aunt are on my actual birthday is the actual date of the surprise party. Seek more information. Be prepared.
November 5, 2003. 6:30 p.m.
Told Galusha again tonight that I can’t wait to attend Toph’s Halloween Party. Her response was “Why are you doing this to me?” Why indeed… Oh wait, its because its fun.
Keep on Galusha. She will crack eventually and tell all. MUAHAHAHAhahahahaHAHA!
November 5, 2003. 6:45 p.m.
Galusha asked me what time poker night was… as if she didn’t know. I must admit, she does try to play with the big dogs. At least she’s no McGrail. He would have most likely asked, “What time is the surprise… er…. poker night Saturday?” Then he probably would have said he couldn’t go because he had plans with Steiner’s friends.
November 5, 2003. 7:30 p.m.
Pamela Yosca Waxman (the “Pam” of “Pamdy”) text messaged me on my phone this evening. I believe her exact message was “Adam smells like poo. Stinky, stinky, Adam.” Clearly she’s sweet on me. Move over Waxman! Anyway, I thought Yosca’s text messaging was going to eventually come around to a discussion of Saturday night, and how she couldn’t play poker because she was going out with Steiner’s friends (the excuse de jour), but I distracted her with talk of a children’s book I had just read, so the conversation didn’t go anywhere. Maybe she was just bored.
Possibility Spies are Everywhere: High.
November 6, 2003. 10:32 a.m.
Received phone call from Rubin, Esq. this morning. Rubin asked whether I was coming out to Boston Friday night for his game night birthday celebration. I told him that I was planning on attending if possible. He then asked whether I was planning on attending poker night on Saturday also. At first, I said to myself “Self, I don’t remember seeing Rubin’s name on the list of invitees to poker night. How does he know about it?” But, I checked after I got off the phone with Rubin, and indeed, he was invited to poker night. For a moment there, I thought Rubin was the Jewish Judas. You know, the guy that hangs out with the Palestinians, eating shellfish by the bucket.
Anyway, Rubin threw in the obligatory, “I don’t know if I can go to poker night. I’m going to try.” Rubin must have plans with Steiner’s friends Saturday night.
Possibility Paranoia Has Consumed My Very Being: High
Possibility I Will Ever Share These Memoirs With Anyone: Abysmally Low
November 7, 2003. 1:15 a.m.:
Attended Game Night at Rubin’s this evening. Had to let Rubin’s team win at Trivial Pursuit, it was his birthday after all. Towards the end of the evening, as we were leaving, I mentioned poker night. Brightwell, Steiner and Rubin all got shifty. Clearly there is a plan for tomorrow night that is being kept from me. Steiner immediately spoke up about her “plans with friends.” No eye contact being made. Suspicions confirmed.
As sure as I am about poker night “surprise party” (emphasis on the irony in the word “surprise”), must confirm suspicions about Galusha’s reaction to thinking my sister would not be in town on the 14th.
Possibility Poker Night Surprise Party is a McGrail Ruse: Medium to High
November 8, 2003. 3:34 p.m.:
Visited iParty in Auburn, Massachusetts. Purchased mini air horn to keep in pocket as we arrive at Pamdy’s residence tonight. Prepare to scare bejesus out of party goers/poker players.
November 8, 2003, 8:06 p.m.:
Arrived at Pamdy’s house. Watched lunar eclipse outside Pamdy’s house for several extremely cold minutes. Entered house. As poker invitees yelled “surprise” blew air horn in everyone’s ears. Made baby Eli Crow cry. Felt bad.
Attempted to choke down some of McGrail’s birthday dessert. Got freeze burn on tongue. Lost two fillings.
November 11, 2003, 7:02 p.m.
Spoke with sister on phone. Discussed plans for upcoming birthday night out. Sister recommends visiting Gillian’s in Worcester. Interesting. Why Gillian’s in Worcester? Did sister speak with Galusha about her infatuation with Gillian’s?
On another note, sister says Debbie and Ray won’t be able to make it until later in the evening, and Bob has “a function to go to.” Seems like a classic “Kobel Other Plans Manuever.”
Seek more information. Be more subtle than last time.
Possibility I’m Insane: High.
November 12, 2003, 12:34 a.m.:
Unwittingly (yet serendipitously) attempted to access Evite.com to check my account from Galusha’s computer late this evening. It appears Galusha and McGrail share common downfalls.
Laughed maniacally to self. Woke cat.
Although I could very easily guess Galusha’s Evite password, I do not attempt to do so. All the information I need is available on the screen. Galusha’s account is set up for someone named “surpriseparty333@hotmail.com.”
Possibility of continuing plans of surprise: High
Location of Surprise: Unknown at this time. Stay sharp.
November 12, 2003, 7:14 p.m.:
Saw scrap of paper on Galusha’s dresser with Deb and Ray’s phone number on it. Suspicion’s raised. What reason would Galsuha need to have Deb and Ray’s phone number written down?
Ask Galusha. Gauge reaction.
November 13, 2003, 11:22 a.m.:
Need to seek counsel regarding possibility of surprise party, but have no where to turn. Everyone and anyone could be in on planning. Can’t even talk to secretary, as she has now met Galusha. She could be in on it.
Do not believe that Saturday night pub crawl is disguised as surprise party. Plans must be focusing on Friday night.
Possibility of Surprise Party at Justine’s House: High
Possibility of Surprise Party at Some Other Location After Meeting at Justine’s House: Medium
Possibility on Fooling Adam: Miniscule
Possibility Surprise Party Planners Mad at Adam After Reading This: High
November 13, 2003, 3:15 p.m.
Need to narrow down location and date of surprise party. Focus on Friday night, Justine’s or some other location. Seek information. Be subtle.
Plan: Hire fake police officer to arrest me at surprise party, and take me away in handcuffs. Watch expression on guest’s faces.
November 13, 2003, 7:11 p.m.
Attempted to secure more information from Galusha on why she would have Deb and Ray’s phone number written down.
Galusha: Are Deb and Ray coming out with us tomorrow night?
Adam: I don’t know. Why don’t you call her and ask?
Galusha: I don’t have her phone number. (AHA!)
Adam: Yes you do.
Galusha: Where?
Adam: I saw it in the bedroom. Written down on a scrap of paper.
Galsuha: (Looks shifty) Oh. Maybe it’s in my phone too. (Checks phone, probably so she can think about what to say next).
Adam: (Silent)
Kelsie: Do you have her phone number?
Galusha: Adam said it was in on my dresser.
Adam: I never said it was on your dresser.
Galusha: Smart ass. (AHA!)
Galusha then changes subject.
Suspicious activity regarding Galusha having Deb and Ray’s phone number. Consider possibilities closer.
November 14, 2003, 10:34 a.m.
Secretary Sandy Roy asks what I am doing this evening. Then asks “Are you going out with your sister-in-law?” What? How did she know I was going out? I never talked about my plans for the weekend with her.
Galusha has contacted Roy. Seek more information.
November 14, 2003, 11:12 p.m.
Made plans for lunch with mother.
Possibility she knows about plans for surprise party: High.
Ask her if she’s going to Cape. See if she will give anything away. Badger if necessary.
November 14, 2003, 12:09 p.m.
Heard “Birthday,” by The Beatles on the radio. Bring CD of song to Justine’s. When we get into car to go to …. Jillian’s…. play “Birthday” on CD Player.
Specifically sing loudly the part that says “We’re going to a party, party!”
That will keep them guessing. Or they will just laugh at me for being ironic, thinking I don’t know that they’re thinking I’m being ironic.
Got it?
November 14, 2003. 7:34 p.m.:
Apologize to friends and family for being unable to be tricked. Explain that being devious is in my nature. I mean, I won’t open and re-wrap my Christmas presents, but you’ve got to be a little bit more tricky to pull off a surprise party.
Thank everyone for coming. Attempt to organize group hug.
Editor's note: no mimes were harmed in the planning of Adam's suprise party.